THE BALLAD OF EVERYONE WHO WORKS IN RETAIL

Hello. How are you today?
As if I cared. News of your imminent death
Would only inconvenience me if it messed up my shop.

Are you after something in particular today?
I bet you arenít. Youíre just wasting my time.

Would you like to try that on?
It wonít fit. It wonít suit you.

Well, that looks incredible!
Iíve never seen anything so revolting.

Is it what you had in mind?
My feet are killing me. I need a coffee.

Is there anything else I can do?
Fuck off and die, you filthy, tasteless worm.

Please, take your time. You need to be
completely happy with it.
I wish the ground would swallow you and your screaming two-year-old.

Is it a gift?
Are you buying a prezzie for your bit on the side?

I can understand why you are not happy with that.
You are a whining, complaining dickhead and I couldnít give a shit about your stupid problem.

How would you like to pay for that?
We accept Visa, MasterCard, the blood of virgins, or your soul, signed over in triplicate.

Have a really nice afternoon.
Have a serious automobile accident on the way home.

And do come again!

 

Back