76. The Late Captain Pierce

October 3, 1975 (G-507)

Written by: Glen Charles and Les Charles.
Charles and Charles of course being two of the boys behind Cheers.
Directed by: Alan Alda
Guest Stars: Richard Masur, as Digger. Eldon Quick, as Captain Pratt.
Semi-regulars: Sherry Steffens, as Nurse Able. Kellye Nakahara, as Nurse Baker.

Plot: Klinger wakes BJ in the middle of the night because Hawkeye's father is on the phone asking for him. When the driver of the morgue truck shows up the next day, it is revealed that Hawkeye has been accidentally declared dead. Because of a communications blackout, Hawkeye can't get word to his father. They have a wake to celebrate Hawkeye's not-death. The paperwork to declare Hawkeye alive will probably take until he really is dead - in triplicate. Hawkeye discovers that some of the disadvantages of being dead include not getting his mail and not getting his pay, all of which drive him to get on the morgue bus and demand to be taken home. Lots of casualties arrive, and he has to stay. Eventually he gets through to his father, and is alive again by the next episode.

AWOL: Radar is on R&R in Seoul. And I don't recall seeing Hot Lips at all this episode.

Great Lines: Hawkeye: 'Klinger, did you ever hear of Crabapple Cove?' Klinger: 'Was that in the hygiene lecture?'
Burns: 'Pierce hasn't exercised once! Hasn't done so much as a squat thrust!' Hawkeye: 'I'm saving myself for marriage!'
Hawkeye, in a telegram to his father: 'Dear Dad. I am not dead, stop. Hope you are the same, stop. Thinking of selling my clubs? Stop! Spending my insurance money? Stop!'
The PA, about Hawkeye's wake: 'The deceased will deliver the eulogy, and the guests will have twenty minutes for rebuttal.'

The Klinger Collection: A mink coat and red beret. Later, a blue skirt with floral trim, and a green blouse with khaki cardigan and a headscarf.

Continuity is for Wimps: Hawkeye says that Crabapple Cove is where he has a summer cottage, but later it is decided that he actually lived there full time, grew up there, the whole works. (In Episode 245. U.N., the Night and the Music (Season 11) he says that his summer home was just the back porch of his winter home, so maybe that's it.)

Suction: One call.

Comments: I really liked this episode. It has the great humour that is in all of season 4, but it's balanced nicely by the nasty fact that Hawkeye is meant to be dead. According to Captain Pratt, screw-ups like this are quite common in the army, which leads one to wonder how the USA ever got to be a major power, if they can't even remember who's dead and who's not. (Hands up all those who are alive.) Burns is starting to turn into a walking one-line gag. Not that he was much of a character to start with.

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