52. Iron Guts Kelly

October 1, 1974 (B-304)

Written by: Larry Gelbart and Sid Dorfman
Directed by: Don Weis
Guest Stars: James Gregory as General 'Iron Guts' Kelly, Keene Curtis as Colonel Wortman, Byron Chung as Mr Kwok, Alberta Jay as anaesthetist
Semi-regulars: Jeff Maxwell as Igor (credited here as 'GI', but there's no reason to think this isn't supposed to be Igor), Bobbie Mitchell as Nurse Able, Dennis Troy as 2nd GI.

Plot: Iron Guts Kelly, a well hard general comes to inspect the 4077th. He quickly becomes taken with Hot Lips, and gets Burns out of the way so they can have some time alone. Unfortunately, their rendezvous ends with him dead in her tent. The boys smuggle his body out of her tent and back to his, where his aide insists that it be known that Kelly died in battle. Radar is engaged to try to find a sector with fighting in it, but only comes up with diarrhoea. After some creative telephoning he eventually finds a battle. The general is loaded into an ambulance to be shipped off to die in his heroic battle, but some of the men load a bunch of prostitutes into the same ambulance and take off. The ambulance crashes, and those who pull the general from the crash assume he died there. His aide quickly phones up the sector with diarrhoea, arranges a phony battle, and ships the general there for his glorious death, which is later reported in Stars and Stripes.

Glitches: Radar alerts Trapper and Hawkeye to Kelly's presence by calling 'Three stars at twelve o'clock,' but the general's position is more like nine o'clock to him (or six to the boys).
While Hot Lips is trying to get Burns out of her tent after finding the general's star, her hair changes position between shots.
Her glass of headache cure also refills itself between shots.
Colonel Wortman occasionally creeps into a Scottish burr.

Great Lines: Henry introduces Burns: 'And Major Burns, one of our best surgeons - a real killer!'
Hawkeye: 'When I was his age I couldn't make up my mind whether to become a doctor or a fireman.' Trapper: 'What did you finally decide?' Hawkeye: 'Oh, I'm a doctor, but I have a pole in my office.'
As the boys confirm Iron Guts as dead, Hot Lips laments, 'Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.' Hawkeye replies, 'It's probably a first for him, too.'
Colonel Wortman: 'That's not a teddy bear...?' Radar: 'Yes, sir, regulations are against having the real kind.'

Awful lines: When the General suggests Burns and Hot Lips join them for a drink, she says: 'Just being in your presence is intoxicating enough, General!' El-YURK!

They All Look the Same to Me: Byron Chung is back.

Suction: One.

Notes: Henry's a bit of a girl, going all gaspy over a single shot of vodka!
Lieutenant General Iron Guts Kelly is (or was) one of the greatest fighting generals around. He has three stars on his surgical cap.

Comments: General Kelly seems to be a rather strange character - he seems to specialise in a vaguely confused blank look. But he does try to make it clear to the boys how much their work is valued, which they just throw back in his face - rather rude, if you ask me. Anyway, Hawk 'n' Trap bickering while Hot Lips tries to get rid of Burns is very cute. It was nice to see the boys coming to Hot Lips's rescue for a change, not to mention that they're actually able to clear their heads and act vaguely sensibly when they do. Not much of a show for Frank Burns - in fact, he seems to be building up to exposing the whole thing then just gets quietly kicked out of the plot.

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