42. Operation Noselift

January 19, 1974 (K-418)

Written by: Erik Tarloff
Directed by: Hy Averback
Guest Stars: Todd Susman as Private Danny Baker, Stuart Margolin as Major Stanley Robbins, Lou Elias as MP sergeant.
Semi-regulars: William Christopher as Father Mulcahy, Patricia Stevens as Nurse Mitchell, Bobbie Mitchell as Nurse Lyons.

Plot: Private Danny Baker is sick of standing out - that is, he's sick of his nose standing out. He has a prominent proboscis, and his attitude about it (and others') is turning him into a troublemaker. He's always AWOL and wants a nose job. Trapper and Hawkeye can dig up a cosmetic surgeon, Major Stanley Robbins, to do the job on the quiet. The promise that he might meet the (fictional) legendary sex-bomb nurse 'the Barracuda' is enough to get him in. The whole time trying to conceal the true nature of Robbins' visit from Burns and Hot Lips, Robbins goes to work. Radar fakes an injury to cover for the need for Robbins to operate, and despite a detour for some sexual assault, he gets the job done. As he leaves, he seems to have been satisfied, leaving Hawkeye and Trapper to find which nurse really is the Barracuda...

Glitches: Between shots talking to Baker at the start, Henry whips around from facing the private to facing his desk.
We don't like to be insensitive about these things, nor to deepen poor Pvt Baker's despair, but his nose really would look a lot better if he pulled off some of that putty he's obviously wearing on it. (It's not like we see him with his new nose - couldn't they find a facially endowed actor?)
I guess it's not really a nit because it's perfectly possible, but why is Baker in his dress uniform the whole time?
The poor woman's obviously panicking her pips off when she's with Robbins, but it looks like Hot Lips commits a line flub or two along the way. After Robbins asks what her nickname is, she says, 'No! That's a lie!' Then he suggests that she's the Barracuda. She stops with a confused 'No. What?' The scene goes on from there, but it looks like those lines are in the wrong order. She's not the Barracuda, so that's what she thinks is a lie.
When Burns goes to talk to Radar about his broken nose, he bends over. Then the shot changes, and he's squatting.
No wonder Henry thinks The Blob is a great movie to have - it's from the future! (It didn't come out until 1958, five years after the Korean War ended.)

Great Lines: Henry struggles with grammar: 'Should "I" be "me"?' Radar asks, 'Do you have any choice, sir?'
Henry tries to figure out Baker's problem: 'What is it, son? You get ice cream on Sundays, no bed-check, movies. We had The Thing and The Blob both in one week. I mean, if it weren't for the war, we'd be really having a good time.'
Mulcahy: 'My son, we're all made in God's image.' Baker: 'Then He must have a schnoz the size of Texas!' (Then our favourite chaplain does the cutest little uncomfortable face.)
After Hawkeye apologises for some sex talk, Mulcahy says, 'I just translate things like that into Latin. It makes them sound more noble.'
Radar: 'Hey, you got a good strong arm there, Father.' Mulcahy: 'Well, I develop a lot of muscle, wrestling with temptation.'
The PA: 'Major Robbins, report for emergency surgery. Major Burns, report to the CO. Major Houlihan, report to Supply. Those are the major announcements for today.'
Burns: 'Be advised, Colonel. General Mitchell will be hearing about this in my weekly anonymous report.'
Burns again, now suspicious, asks Radar: 'What are you doing here?' Radar: 'I was drafted, sir.'

Continuity is for Wimps: Now the Bobbie Mitchell nurse is called Nurse Lyons! We know it can be hard to amuse yourself out there by the front lines, but there's got to be more exciting things to do than change your name every few weeks. (Just an aside, though, does anyone wonder if the various nurses that are called Mitchell are related to General and Private Mitchell? Just a thought.)

They All Look the Same to Me: Doesn't Major Robbins look really familiar? As in, exactly like psychiatrist Phil Sherman who visited the camp in episode 7. Bananas, Crackers and Nuts? (It's because they're both played by Stuart Margolin and both attacked Hot Lips.)

Notes: Henry dressed as King Neptune for the Mardi Gras celebration, in a costume that he says covered his bottom half completely, despite another complaint letter from Burns and Hot Lips to General Mitchell.
The recent movies at the 4077 MASH have been The Thing and The Blob. (Let's not talk about a time-travelling rep from Blockbuster doing the rounds of Korea in the 1950s...)
It took Henry six months to housebreak his dog. Of course, there was a newspaper strike at the time.

Comments: Interesting to hear Trapper cite regulations as one of the reasons they can't just go to on Danny's nose. Of course, he's really just trying to close the matter for the junior soldier, but it does show his responsible streak, that he'll actually use his better judgement to decide when to toe or not toe the line. Some rules are there for a reason, even if he doesn't always like it. He actually seems more sensible than Hawkeye in this regard - it's certainly not him who periodically goes off on insane personal crusades (literally insane a few times, that Hawkeye).
Speaking of whom, watch as Hawkeye shows his lack of sensitivity in a big way this week. Major Robbins's scene with Hot Lips amounts to nothing short of attempted rape. While Trapper stays behind (admittedly with Hawk's prompting) to comfort Margaret, Hawkeye's greatest concern is getting Robbins back to the OR for the nose-job. But then, getting a new nose was his scheme this episode, and worrying about a sexual assault wasn't one of his fabulous plans, so that doesn't matter. Then, Robbins says all he wants in return for the operation is a nurse as payment. Ha-ha-ha. Not, 'Look, you maniac, how about this - you do your deed, then get out PDQ and hope Major Houlihan doesn't want to charge you in case you get busted down to Acting Private and go to the stockade until the second Gulf War's over!'

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