36. The Incubator

December 1, 1973 (K-412)

Written by: Larry Gelbart and Laurence Marks.
Directed by: Jackie Cooper
Guest Stars: Eldon Quick as Captain Sloan, Logan Ramsey as Colonel Lambert, Ted Gehring as Major Morris, Helen Funai as Betty Lou, John Alvin as Bowman, Jerry Harper as Phillips.
Semi-regulars: Sarah Fankboner as Nurse Owens, Robert F Simon as General Mitchell.

Plot: When they're faced with an ill patient who has a fever, Trapper and Hawkeye lament the lack of an incubator at the camp. An incubator would allow them to culture some germs and work out what's wrong with the patient. Meanwhile, Henry has bought a barbecue. The quartermaster won't let them have an incubator (but he will let them have a pizza oven or a jukebox). Later, Radar goes digging and finds some incubators held by a materialistic Major Morris. Going above him, they come across a Colonel Lambert who wants a lot of cash for one. Then up to General Mitchell, whom they humiliate at a press conference. Once they return home, covered in charges, they discover that Radar has managed to procure an incubator. But at the price of the barbecue - can the incubator be set to 'rare'?

Glitches: Radar says that it's usually freezing cold at the 4077th. Guess we see it the rest of the time. Sure, we've seen it dip sometimes, but certainly not 'usually' freezing cold.

AWOL: Hot Lips? Hello? Paging Major Houlihan?

Great Lines: Trapper: 'You suppose we died, and we've gone into the Army?'
Trapper: 'Shall we wake him?' Hawkeye, still hung over: 'Look what waking up did for us.'
Radar: 'You said you wanted to sacrifice a virgin.' Hawkeye: 'Did we?' Radar: 'I was too sleepy.'
Henry: 'I'm sick and tired of you guys going over my head and down to Radar!'
Radar rejoins that one with, 'I don't mind, sir.'
Upon hearing that the camp could get a pizza oven, Henry asks how? 'Ah, just use the standard S1798 and write in "pizza" where it says "machine gun".'
Radar: 'I ran out of ice, sir, so I used bourbon.'
Trapper: 'You're a creep!' Colonel: 'Why should the sergeants have all the fun?'
Mitchell: 'This is a press conference! The last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions!'
And so many more. A simple section like this simply can't do justice to the sheer high density of great lines during this episode.

Continuity is for Wimps: Hawkeye says that the war has been running for two years, making it 1952. Just trust us when we say...it's not, really.

Notes: An incubator is item 437/R2. (The line and the boxes even match!)

Comments: Simply brilliant. Like the best episodes of M*A*S*H, it's utterly hilarious and has a point to make at its centre (why aren't the people and places who most need equipment ever given it). That point doesn't come on too strong, though, and the episode is best remembered for a lot - and we mean a lot - of great lines and snappy dialogue. Often voted one of the series' best, and with good reason. Hilarious.

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