22. Major Fred C. Dobbs

March 11, 1973 (J-320)

Written by: Sid Dorfman
Directed by: Don Weis
Semi-regulars: Odessa Cleveland as Nurse Ginger. Harvey J Goldenberg as Dr Kaplan, DDS.

Plot: After he upsets Ginger, the boys plaster a hook onto Burns's hand, making him demand a transfer from Henry, listing as reasons the catalogue of jokes the boys have played on him: as well as the hook, they'd nailed twelve bunks on top of one another, so that Burns was sleeping about three inches from the ceiling. They had also stuck mincemeat in his ears, which the camp dog enjoyed quite a bit. The third jape was the old 'bowl of warm water with a sleeping person's hand in it leading them to wet the bed' trick. With this catalogue of woe, Henry agrees to grant Burns's transfer. Meanwhile, Radar finds pyrite (fool's gold) and is convinced there's gold in them thar hills. The boys, hearing about Burns's transfer, decide to record his and Hot Lips's passionate farewell, and put it over the camp PA. Hot Lips gets extremely angry and also demands a transfer. When Henry returns the favour by working the boys to the bone, they decide they need Burns and Hot Lips to stay, and develop a plan - they'll make Burns think that there is real gold around. A clever series of tricks convinces Burns. With this thought, he asks Henry to rescind his and Hot Lips's transfer. Henry is in agony after losing a temporary filling which Burns breaks, and agrees that he and Hot Lips can stay but that's his final offer. Hot Lips shows Burns that the gold is fake and that he has been had. He gets furious, but can't get the transfer back.

Glitches: Again needly, but Hawkeye responds, 'James Cagney!' when Frank says, 'You dirty rat.' Cagney keeps getting credited for this quote, but he never said it. Mind you, we saw in 6. Yankee Doodle Doctor that Hawkeye seems to think it's true anyway.
The 'day for night' scenes are terrible quality.

Great Lines: Henry tells off the boys: 'You two guys should be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad!'
When the boys find a gold filling, Trapper realises, 'It must be Henry's.' Hawkeye: 'If it is, it's the only good thing ever to come out of his mouth.'
Burns: 'Do you always sleep with a teddy bear?' Radar: 'Not when I'm on duty, sir.'
Burns, hunting for gold: 'If I dig one foot deeper I'll be AWOL.'

Continuity is for Wimps: In Episode 11. Germ Warfare, Frank was such a heavy sleeper he could have blood drawn and not notice. Here he wakes up just because Hawk 'n' Trap make a bit of noise.

Suction: None, but Ginger does remind Burns that he didn't ask for it.

Notes: Korea is the world's fifth-largest producer of gold (and the first-largest producer of Koreans).
Burns likes pork chops with extra fat.
Adventures in theme music continue.

Comments: Harvey J Goldenberg, the Dentist, bears a passing resemblance to Woody Allen in appearance and manner.
It just sucks to be Frank Burns some days, doesn't it? A shame this had to follow so soon after 21. Sticky Wicket, making the end of that not seem to mean much (in production order, it was right before, making a lot more sense). It's also a shame we never got to see the golden jeep after this episode. It was great! Maybe it was stolen by the Korean Mardi Gras people. Oh well.
One question, though - why the hell was the episode title Major Fred C. Dobbs?

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