11. Germ Warfare

December 10, 1972 (J-304)

Written by: Larry Gelbart
Directed by: Terry Becker
Guest Stars: Byron Chung as the POW.
Semi-regulars: Bob Gooden as Boone. Patrick Adiarte as Ho-John, Timothy Brown as Spearchucker Jones. Odessa Cleveland as Nurse Ginger. Karen Philipp as Lt Dish.
This was Spearchucker's last appearance - he was dropped after the producers found out there had been no black surgeons in the Korean War. (Considering some of the other appalling continuity and history errors that occur, it would really have been easier to leave him in and cut their losses. Couldn't they have said he was the time-traveller bringing Radar his comics?)

Plot: As Hawkeye tends to a North Korean patient, Burns demands that he be shipped out, which Henry finally manages to resist - just. However, the patient needs AB- blood, and there isn't any. The only person in the camp who has the right blood type is Burns, who refuses to give them any. The boys extract it from Burns anyway while he sleeps. When the patient becomes sick, they then suspect that the blood (and Burns) may have been tainted with a new variant of hepatitis. They manage to get the remains of the blood they stole from Burns to test. They also need urine, and use the guise of a beer test and a latrine redecoration to get some. Eventually they have to own up to stop him operating on anyone, just in time for the test result to come back. Burns doesn't have hepatitis, but he is anaemic. After some time off (during which he becomes quite friendly with the POW who was the cause of all this in the first place) Burns gets some flowers from the boys for his troubles.

Glitches: Hawkeye decides they can't pull another 'midnight caper' for more of Burns's blood. Why not? They obviously don't need much, as Trapper later indicates.

Great Lines: The PA: 'Tonight's war department picture on how to lead a good, clean life has been canceled due to unusually heavy indifference.'
After Burns tells him to watch his language, Trapper replies, 'Frank, I'm sorry about that, but you know how it is. War is heck.'
Radar: 'Can I help it if the war gives me an appetite?'
Burns: 'I'm only paranoid because everybody's out to get me!'
Hawkeye: 'We can't let you operate. You look like an ad for death.'

They All Look the Same to Me: Byron Chung's first shot. (But not his last).

Je ne parle Korean...do I? Ho-Jon is brought in to try to speak to the patient, but then, he's Korean, so it makes the most sense.

Notes: Burns is a deep sleeper with AB- blood. He sleep-talks and he can't hold his beer.

Comments: The scene in which Lt Dish, whom Hawkeye is having fantasies about, comments on said fantasies while he's having them is very cute. And you can almost feel sorry for Burns when Trapper comments that he's not being a regular guy. The ending is actually rather sweet. And I loved the Officers' Latrine Tee-Pee (no pun intended).

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